The 2013 film Her depicted a man having a relationship with his artificial intelligence (AI) assistant. That was science fiction, but according to a study on AI “romantic companions”, it is now a fact of life not only for singles, but also for those in committed relationships.
In the Oscar-winning film, Joaquin Phoenix plays a lonely man who falls in love with an AI operating system, Samantha, voiced by Scarlett Johansson.
A new report on the use of “Secret Soulmates” suggests that young people are increasingly turning to such AI companions for romance, challenging the stereotype that such behavior is primarily confined to single men.
“[W]e found that not only are AI romantic companions much more common than most people realize, but their use may have serious implications for the health and stability of real-life human relationships”, wrote the authors Dr Brian J. Willoughby, Dr Jason S. Carroll, and Michael Toscano.
“[W]e also found that much of this behavior is being done secretly behind the backs of real-life romantic partners”, they added in a statement following the 19 May release of the report, titled Secret Soulmates: How AI Romantic Companions Are Impacting Real-Life Romantic Relationships.
AI Companions Destroying Relationships
The authors warned that these virtual companions currently lack “any policy intervention” and represent a “critical area of relationship space that educators, policymakers and the public need to discuss carefully”.
“AI companions offer a secret soulmate that is just a tap away, an artificial entity that can offer an enticing array of interactions, which can distract from and potentially even destroy a relationship with a real-life partner”, the authors said.
The report suggests that 15% of people in relationships, defined as those dating, engaged, or married, regularly interact with AI chatbots that simulate a committed romantic partner.
Another 20%–30% reported having experimented with a secret soulmate at some point.
While men were marginally more likely than women to engage with these romantic companions, the gender gap was small.
Interactions with AI boyfriends and girlfriends range from “flirty or mildly romantic” exchanges to regular sexual interactions. Some 13% reported romantic and sexual role-play, while just over one in 10 said they often use secret soulmates to generate sexually explicit content.
More than half of the partnered young adults surveyed who interact with these virtual companions were either “completely hiding or only partly disclosing” their use to their real-life partners.
Keeping AI Soulmates a Secret
Almost seven out of 10 (69%) also reported that it was “somewhat or extremely important” that their partner not learn the full extent of their use of AI girlfriends or boyfriends.
“Why such secrecy? The obvious answer is that most people realize that if their real-life partner knew they were having heavily romantic conversations with an AI companion, he or she would likely be concerned or upset”, the authors write.
The authors examined the impact of virtual companions on real-life romantic relationships, noting that research in this area is limited.
They studied the question across three categories: satisfaction, stability, and communication quality, using a statistical tool called regression modeling. This tool is used to estimate the relationship between a target variable and a predictor variable, in this case, AI companion use and its effect on a real-life relationship.
While relationship satisfaction appeared higher among AI users, both stability and communication quality were lower.
The authors suggest the higher satisfaction is likely due to the “false and temporary sense of happiness that AI companions bring”.
Use of an AI companion may be especially appealing during periods of real-life relationship conflict and unhappiness. However, while the AI user “may walk away no longer feeling as frustrated with their real partner, this AI interaction may quietly be undermining their long-term desire to be with their partner”, the authors argue.
The Illusion of Control
The report warns about the risks to long-term relationship quality posed by the “illusion of control” offered by virtual companions, and also warns that AI companions are designed to “subtly nudge” users toward commercially beneficial outcomes for developers.
Despite the high levels of secrecy and the potential negative effects of engaging with virtual companions, many of the young adults surveyed reported generally positive attitudes toward using AI romantic companions, according to the report.
Few reported reservations about continuing to engage with such companions while in a real-life romantic relationship.
However, among regular AI chatbot users, 68% said it was easier to talk to their virtual companion, and nearly two-thirds reported it was easier to be themselves with their AI companions.
The study also suggests that the use of secret soulmates affects perceptions of real-life romantic partners.
Exactly half of AI romantic companion users agreed that they wished their real-life partner behaved more like their AI companion, and 56% wished conversations with their real-life partner were more like those they had with their AI companion.
These findings suggest that AI companions are no longer a niche curiosity for the lonely but an emerging challenge for modern relationships. The report argues that while AI companions can provide comfort and validation, they may also quietly reshape expectations of intimacy in ways that real-life relationships will struggle to match.
